I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
