capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
