Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
