she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
