cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
