We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
