one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
