Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
