Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
