real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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