I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
