i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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