perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They are going to name an STD after you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
