Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
