Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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