I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
