i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
