I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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