I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
