I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did we literally take a cab across the street
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize