My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
