he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize