was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
