So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
