Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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