oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize