I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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