...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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