Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
