worst night to have a conscience
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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