help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
