Where is the hickey?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
