you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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