her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
