Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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