the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
