Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
