i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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