im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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