Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
