guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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