"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
