the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you traded sex for a burrito?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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