they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize