So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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