i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
