Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
