I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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