I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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