If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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