I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
