Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
