Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
