I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
