I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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