"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
