Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I will pee on everything he values.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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