I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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