She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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