how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize