Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
