I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
