pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize