Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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