dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do herpes really smell.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
