Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
