my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
