My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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