Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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