U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina just recognized that song.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
