There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You can't special order awesome
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
