She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
