every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
