are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
