I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
