I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
