One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
