Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
