Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
