bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
