i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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