I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
