This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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