you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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