There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize