I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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