CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
