so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hippo gnu deer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
