At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
