I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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