South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
