My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
