can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize