He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
