I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
not ubering you a puppy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
