in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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