This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize