apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
