there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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