I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
