Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize