hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
