okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
