I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
