First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
