woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
