last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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