mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
