That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
