I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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