garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
