so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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