sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize