my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
